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The Spirit of Youth

by Human Petting Zoo & dreadrick

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1.
i used to think being in love meant satisfying all conditions checking boxes, checking temps, putting your back into it i was never caught by surprise, spent so much time catastrophizing waiting for the spiral i stretched myself so thin, tho you couldn't see thru me i was careful not to let my guard down, to get to close cause if i did then that would mean someone might try and control me like a candle in a lantern on a windy day now i go out with a laugh, and we could hang all day no fists are banging on the doors, telling me to run away always a work in progress, sometimes i'm lost in the process you're always walking me back home so blow me out, cause i'm done burning i'll become one with the wind smoke will dissipate and tears evaporate everything will perfectly unfold
2.
i could tell you that i'm sorry, but it's all i ever say and i could tell you that i'm okay, i've been doing it all day i'm running out of words, or running out of patience i'm wishing i'd forget all of the times i hesitated i've come out of the closet at least 10 separate times and everyday theres something new i realize about myself and thats okay, i'd rather be myself than be any other way and i'm trying harder than ever to do what i want when i can and i'm being a lot more honest with my friends i'm done pretending, i'm done forgetting everything that's happened matters i'm taking matters into my own hands i'll tell you how i feel and i'll mean it, i'll cry in the target parking lot i'll tell you i love you, i'll say it real loud so everyone around us knows i'll tell you how i feel and i'll mean it
3.
canvassed the town from sidewalks to alley to underpass i saw you frowning, indifferent to what i was doing but you came around when i came around again you needed a friend and so i became that who am i without you? who are you without me? who are we without them? what is this life without everybody? feet tired of walking, you gave me a seat while you eat on the stairs told me of your life, you made me feel so sweet and ripe young lady near us was just a bud with brand new babies a mother she was, and i felt so old and so young and so full of love who am i without you? who are you without me? who are we without them? what is this life without everybody? you poke and you prod, you get under my skin like no one else and when we get talking, i wonder if you know how it sounds to me you give me a look into your mind and i'm so happy you are alive your perspective shows me something else who am i without you? who are you without me? who are we without them? what is this life without everybody?
4.
do you ever sit and listen to your self breathe? look down at your chest and see your heart beat? everything as we know it, could not be, without you have you given yourself a chance to have release? all tied up in your guts and in your chest, it writhes and cries it wants to leave, to set you free did you know that you are loved when you are mad? a tantrum shows nothing of your vastness so scream and cry into the void, and into my shoulder i love you and everything you are, every conflict, every scar anything can be creative if you let it flow within you, and then without you within you, without you
5.
embellishing words i say, i'm talking to you about how i feel and trying to play it cool embellishments in the way, i tell ya my stomach aches from all the sugar coating i do and i'm just now beginning to grasp, how i'm not responsible for that, for your reaction, or response expressing myself standing on thin ice, when drowning meant not meeting my needs now i'm on solid ground, sometimes i get trapped under ice, i remember what its like to freeze and i'm just now beginning to grasp, how i'm not responsible for that, for your reaction, or response sunlight on frosted grass is truly something to behold a billion tiny exhales look like glass or crystal globes out here in the cold, i can see my breath and i can see yours too i can't control your reaction to my feelings, wouldn't get satisfaction even if i could and i'm just now beginning to grasp, how i'm not responsible for that, for your reaction, or response
6.
oh ceramic cup, you are a thing of beauty what i would do to see the hands that formed you once more oh ceramic cup, never too hot to the touch i welcome pain and pleasure on my palms and my tongue oh ceramic cup, if only i could ask you how did it feel when she brought you to life from just a ball of clay oh ceramic cup, to clean you is never a burden so please tell me if you're hurting and i'll be there oh ceramic cup, decorative with baltic symbols, of places i can't think of without seeing her in my mind oh ceramic cup, enchanted forest green tea with coconut oat milk cream, you bring so much joy to me oh ceramic cup, i hold you close in my hands thru time, we touch and we dance, i miss you
7.
cried all night, just couldn't get it right even though there was nothing to get proving myself to invisible men with knives for tongues, i'm in their debt early one morning, woke up before the birds i stood in the shadow of death i'm letting go, for god's sake of "i'm sorry, so sorry for being a bit crazy" if you're looking for something outside of yourself to tell you worth it you'll find frustration as nothing outside of yourself can tell your worth it you're alive, and your existence speaks for itself she flipped her hair, i pretended not to care as her magic got caught in the breeze cursed with green eyes, i pouted around wondering if i was even half as sweet sat in silence, observed the sensations building up in this body of mine i've got that same sweetness, lovely uniqueness i see it in her, in her soft alert eyes so i'll relish in her sweetness and be at ease take it easy when you start to tease finding worth in just being me being free
8.
it's impossible to be alone it's impossible to be alone there's always someone tryin to walk you home so go on and keep trying, there's nothing wrong with crying it's impossible to be alone it's impossible to be alone there's always someone tryin to walk you home so go on and keep trying, it seems that you like it it's impossible to be alone it's impossible to be alone there's always someone tryin to walk you home so go on and keep tryin, we'll catch you if you fall
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about

Eight tracks each on a split by your fav emotional acoustic projects! This is a very special collaboration for me! Lynni is someone who has been in contact with me for a long time about creativity and the daunting/exciting aspects of releasing music into the world, so to put out a split with them is amazing! This split is a diverse mix of vulnerable, emotive acoustic folk music.

dreadrick on bandcamp
dreadrick.bandcamp.com

credits

released February 29, 2024

Cover art by Del / Jace @miffxn on IG
Tracks 1-8 by Human Petting Zoo / Rayne Blakeman
Tracks 9-16 by Dreadrick / Lynni Freddie

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about

Bug Bug Publishing Pennsylvania

Bug Bug Publishing is a diy media publisher ran by Rayne L Blakeman, a compulsive creator living in Pittsburgh/Appalachia.
bugbugpublishing@gmail.com

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