1. |
I'm Here/I'm Queer
02:21
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I remember the shag carpet growing higher than the trees
And the orange brown and yellow couch that I used to sleep on
A trailer in the middle of a field of wheat
A cavity digging in my teeth
I remember the boys who used to holler day and night
I was only 8, but my body wasn't mine
I decided to be a boy, scare the other boys away
And I haven't been the same since that day
I remember being 13 and being oh so confused
Who's the man in the relationship, why do we have to choose
That's when I got my heart broken, felt quiet and small
In my mind I still felt like something was wrong
So I got with my current partner, the only one I'll ever have
He helped me realize why my whole life I've been feeling really mad
I was myself for the first time in forever
I can't wait to be with you for forever
I'm here, I'm queer
"My election, gave somebody else, one more person, hope. And that's what it's about. It's not about personal gain, not about ego, not about power, it's about giving those young people out there, the Altoona, Pennsylvanias, hope. Gotta give 'em hope."
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2. |
Gemini-Cancer Cusp
02:13
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self destruction count down
three two one i fall down
restlessness, i get back up
it just takes me time
my energies don't always feel right
when mercury isnt in the moonlight
i don't take anything lightly
i'm a little fight or flighty
my skin and be thin so please be careful
(self destruction count down 3 2 1, be careful)
im on the cusp of magic
read about it if you havent
i don't have time to to explain it
i've got shit to do, and my friends are waiting
it takes a little bit for me to commit
but when i do i'm on top of my shit
i'm sensitive and affectionate
please be careful
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3. |
Rent/Constellations
02:04
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Once I had a dream that I could do anything, that I had slain a hundred beasts, but my heart kept on beating. Once I had a dream that I could do anything, that I had hit the lottery, and I put it all in savings
And things are shaping up to be, a whole lot harder than I had ever dreamed of them being and my mind and my body are free, but I'm terrified of my landlord and making sure my cat has food to eat.
Once I had a dream that it was totally free to travel a billion miles from point A to point B. Once I had a dream that I had asked for assistance, but it turned into a nightmare, and it ended in me begging for forgiveness.
I woke up and I realized that the stars had realigned and I wasn't meant for art school and art school wasn't meant for me
I woke up and I realized that your constellation shined and you meet so many people and none of them are me
I woke up and I realized that the stars had realigned to remind me my rent is due in just a week
I woke up and I realized that our constellation shined and I wake up every day for you and for all our friends
I woke up and I realized that the stars are really bright tonight, and everything will be alright
I woke up and I realized everything will be alright
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4. |
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Things are going good I appreciate you asking and I've been feeling okay, but also not okay
When I lay in my bed in my bedroom I stare through my roof at the stars above me and think about how the earth is spinning
I'll brush my teeth and get my hair wet, I'll feel the breeze and I'll go get dressed real slow
I drive to the gas station feel the fuel pump into my car feel the weight of my body pressing into the ground
and I'll think and let go
and I'll feel and let go
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5. |
Anxiety Song
01:26
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I can't stand being alone for just a little while
Just a couple hours and I will hate myself
Anxiety has led me to believe the ones I love will leave
They're never coming back to me, and I will die alone
I don't have to sacrifice my happiness for anybody
and I don't have to try and make sure I make everybody happy
Here's to all the times I cried and cried and cried
Over something that I couldn't control
The little things that get under my skin
I cannot let them in, I cannot let them tell me that I'm not good enough
When I think that way I start to feel like there's no hope for me
I start to feel the gravity pulling me to hell
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6. |
Sewing Song
01:02
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Sometimes I feel weird and I don't know what to do
But I know I've gotta go somewhere soon
I've gotta do something soon
Sometimes I feel like I can't do anything right
and I know that it isn't true
and I know I've gotta do something good soon
so I get in my car and I go
I get in my car and I go
I get out my thread and I sew
I get some pins and I sew
Doesn't matter what I'm making
just as long as I'm making something great
or even mediocre I've gotta sew the hole in my pocket shut
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7. |
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Captain Brady was a man, not a hero, not a villain, but a man, born in 1756, died when he was 39, known as Captain Samuel Brady, his father was a captain too, his mother's name was Mary, and they had 13 babies. He did a lot of shitty things, he fought a bunch of battles, he probably got sunburned and he hung out with the founding fathers. He killed a bunch of babies, and he killed a bunch of men and women and spied on his enemies, who all hated the hell out of him. I'm probably always 100 feet from where his treasure might be, I'll never, ever find it, there's no X that marks the spot, I'll run all day and never stop, his treasures out there somewhere, but it's not even for certain that it's really there.
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8. |
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I walk down to the lake to try and clear my head
and I’m trying to remember what the wiki page said
I’m trying to remember Captain Brady’s secrets
A family full of captains, also full of bloodshed,
They tied him to a stake, made it into an event
They hated Samuel Brady and he probably deserved it
I look across the water at the trees and close my eyes
Captain Brady used to hide here in the water with a smile
That man was a bastard, he was under for a while
I know his treasures somewhere, and my heart starts to go wild
I remember how you hold me, how you’ve been here all along
will you help me find his treasure even if it takes too long
i’ll love you forever even if we never find it
we’ll make our own treasure, find a place to bury it
i’ll love you forever even if we never find it
we’ll make our own treasure, find a place to bury it
i’ll love you forever, don’t forget it
i’ll love you forever, don’t forget it,
i’ll love you forever, don’t forget it
i’ll love you forever don’t forget it, you calm me down
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9. |
No Fun Zone
02:22
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I'm learning more about myself every day
I'm learning that I need help sometimes
and it's taking time
I'm learning that I've set myself some traps
I'm learning to unlearn those bad habits
and I'm doing fine, and it's taking time
In the no fun zone, there's no fun
I'm learning to let go and it's hard
In the no fun zone, there's no fun,
I'm the only one, I'm the only one
and I sing my songs when I'm breaking down
whisper to myself that it's okay to need help
in the no fun zone, no one has fun
I'm glad that I reached out, I'm glad that I got out
Now I'm having fun, I'm doing fine, it's taking time, but I'm doing fine
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10. |
UFO
01:41
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I used to think I was an alien brought to earth by a UFO, because I didn't feel like the other kids, I didn't look like the other kids, buggy-eyed, white blonde hair, gap between my teeth, tears running down my cheeks, I wasn't meant to be here, I wasn't meant to be here, but I am, and I'll always do the best I can.
I didn't look like the other kids
I didn't think like the other kids
I didn't dress like the other kids
I didn't feel like the other kids
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Bug Bug Publishing Pennsylvania
Bug Bug Publishing is a diy media publisher ran by Rayne L Blakeman, a compulsive creator living in Pittsburgh/Appalachia.
bugbugpublishing@gmail.com
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